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Fifty Shades of Grey Reimagined As Vegetables

Fifty Shades of Kohlrabi
Movie Photo: Universal Pictures

Fifty Shades of Grey is a worldwide erotic phenomenon, with a book trilogy and a movie. Vegetables (and fruit) are also an erotic phenomenon. Why not combine the two?

1. “A tremor runs through my whole body. I am naked, in a bath with Christian Grey. He’s naked.”

Fifty Shades of Grey and Vegetables - Bath Scene

 

 2. “I am going to tie you to that bed, Anastasia. But I’m going to blindfold you first and,” he reveals his iPod in his hand, “you will not be able to hear me. All you will hear is the music I am going to play for you.”

I am going to tie you to the bed

 

3. “There are shackles attached at each corner, fine metal chains with leather cuffs, glinting against the red satin.”

I can't see
Movie Photo: Universal Pictures

4. He places his hand on my naked behind, softly fondling me, stroking around and around with his flat palm. And then his hand is no longer there … and he hits me – hard.”

He hits me - hard

 

5. “He holds out his hand, and in his palm are two round, shiny, silver balls, linked with a thick black thread… I am going to put these inside you”

I am going to put these inside you

 

6. “It’s warm inside and all mirrored glass. I can see Christian to infinity everywhere I look”

I can see him in the mirror
Movie Photo: Universal Pictures

 

7. “He lifts me, and suddenly we’re moving, my arms still tethered above my head, and I can feel the cool wood of the polished cross at my back”

The polished cross at my back

 

8. “He sits naked, his body bathed in the warm light cast by a solitary freestanding lamp beside the piano.”

He sits naked at the piano

 

 

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